I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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