and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His hands were made for my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
