I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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