I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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