the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
