So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
