I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
