Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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