bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize