So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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