I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
