I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize