____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
