this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
