so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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