I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
