Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
