I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
