I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
