Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
