The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
