that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
