the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are the jesus of drinking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
