i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
