Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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