I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
