I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize