No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
