Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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