life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
this will be a night to untag.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
