Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
