I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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