Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need moral support for this bender
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
