I'm gonna have a badass scar
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
