this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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