I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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