I heard we made out
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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