i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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