Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
