If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
