Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As shirtless as possible
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
