I think I am morally bankrupt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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