We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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