Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
