she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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