I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
