Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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