Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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