I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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