dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
