Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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