Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
