ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
