There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
