he wants to bone in the snuggie
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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