she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
