the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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