U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
