let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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