Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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