I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
