Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
