I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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