I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
