but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
