Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
