dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
