So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I could make wine with my vomit
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
