i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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